domingo, 6 de julio de 2008

THE FORCE OF CIRCUMSTANCE (W. Somerset Maugham)

SHE was sitting on the veranda -waiting for her husband to come in for luncheon. The Malay boy had drawn the blinds when the morning lost its freshness, but she had partly raised one of them so that she could look at the river. Under the breathless sun of midday it had the -white pallor of death. A native was paddling along in a dug--out so small that it hardly showed above the surface of the water. The colours of the day -were ashy and wan. They -were but the various tones of the heat. (It was like an Eastern melody, in the minor key. which exacerbates the nerves by its -ambiguous monotony; and the ear awaits impatiently a resolution, but waits in vain.) The cicadas sang their grating song -with a frenzied energy; it was as continual and monotonous as the rustling of a brook over the stones; but on a sudden it was drowned by the loud singing of a bird, mellifluous and rich; and for an instant, -with a catch at her heart, she thought of the English blackbird.

Then she heard her husband’s step on the gravel path behind the bungalow, the path that led to the court-house in which he had been working, and she rose from her chair to greet him. He ran up the short flight of steps, for the bungalow was built on piles, and at the door the boy was waiting to take his topee. He came into the room-which served them as a dining-room and parlour, and his eyes lit up with pleasure as he saw her.

’Hulloa, Doris. Hungry?’ Ravenous.’

’It’ll only take me a minute to have a bath and then I’m ready.’

’Be quick,’ she smiled.

He disappeared into his dressing-room and she heard him -whistling cheerily -while, with the carelessness with -which she was always remonstrating, he. tore off his clothes and flung them on the floor. He ’was twenty-nine, but he -was still a school-boy; he would never grow up. That -was -why she had fallen in love with him, perhaps, for no amount of affection could persuade her that he -was good-looking. He was a little round man, with a red face like the fall moon, and blue eyes. He was rather pimply. She had examined him carefully and had been forced to confess to him that he had not a single feature which she could praise. She had told him often that he wasn’t her type at all.

’I never said I -was a beauty,’ he laughed. ’I can’t think -what it is I see in you.’

But of course she knew perfectly well. He -was a gay,jolly little man, -who took nothing very solemnly, and he -was constantly laughing. He made her laugh too. He found life an amusing rather than a serious business, and he had a charming smile. When she -was -with him she felt happy and good tempered. And the deep affection -which she saw in those merry blue eyes of his touched her. It -was very satisfactory to be loved like that. Once, sitting on his knees, during their honeymoon she had taken his face in her hands and said to him:

’You’re an ugly, little fat man, Guy, but you’ve got charm. I can’t help loving you.’

A wave of emotion swept over her and her eyes filled with tears. She saw his face contorted for a moment -with the extremity of his feeling and his voice -was a little shaky when he answered.

’It’s a terrible thing for me to have married a woman -who’s mentally deficient,’ he said.

She chuckled. It -was the characteristic answer -which she would have liked him to make.

It was hard to realize that nine months ago she had never even heard of him. She had met him at a small place by the seaside -where she -was spending a month’s holiday with her mother. Doris was a secretary to a member of parliament, Guy was home on leave. ’They -were staying at the same hotel and he quickly told her all about himself. He -was born in Sembulu, -where his father had served for thirty years under the second Sultan, and on leaving school he had entered the same service. He -was devoted to the country.

’After all England’s a foreign land to me,’ he told her. ’My home’s Sembulu.’

And now it was her home too. He asked her to marry him at the end of the month’s holiday. She had known he was going to, and had decided to refuse him. She was her widowed mother’s only child and she could not go so far away from her, but when the moment came she did not quite know what happened to her, she was carried off her feet by an unexpected emotion, and she accepted him- They had been settled now for four months in the little outstation of which he was in charge. She was very happy-

She told him once that she had quite made up her mind to refuse him.

’Are you sorry you didn’t?’ he asked, with a merry smile in his twinkling blue eyes.

’I should have been a perfect fool if I had. What a bit of luck that fate or chance or whatever it was stepped in and took the matter entirely out of my hands.

Now she heard Guy clatter down the steps to the bath-house. He was a noisy fellow and even with bare feet he could not be quiet. But he uttered an exclamation. He said two or three words in the local dialect and she could not understand. Then she heard someone speaking to him, not aloud, but in a sibilant whisper. Really it was too bad of people to waylay him when he was going to have his bath. He spoke again and though his voice -was low she could hear that he was vexed. The other voice was raised now; it was a. woman’s. Doris supposed. it was someone who had -a complaint to make. It was like a Malay woman to come in that surreptitious way. But she was evidently getting very little from Guy, for she heard him say: Get out. That at all events she understood, and then she heard him bolt the door. There was a sound of the water he was throwing over himself (the bathing arrangements still amused her; the bath-houses were under the bedrooms, on the ground; you had a large tub of water and you sluiced yourself with a little tin pail) and in a couple of minutes he was back. again in the dining-room. His hair was still wet. They sat down to luncheon. ’It’s lucky I’m not a suspicious or a jealous person,’ she laughed- ’I don’t know that I should altogether approve of your having animated conversations with ladies while you’re having your bath.’

His face, usually so cheerful had borne a sullen look when he came in, but now it brightened.

’I wasn’t exactly pleased to see her.’

’So I judged by the tone of your voice. In fact, I thought you were rather short with the young person.’

’Damned cheek, waylaying me like that ’What did she want?’

’Oh, I don’t know. She's a woman from the kampong. She’s had a row with her husband or something.’

’I wonder if it’s the same one who was hanging about this morning.’

He frowned a little.

’Was there someone hanging about?’

’Yes, I went into your dressing-room to see that everything was nice and tidy, and then I -went down to the bath-house. I saw someone ’slink out of the door as I went down the steps and when I looked out I saw a -woman, standing there.’

Did you speak to her?’

I asked her what she wanted and she said something, but I couldn’t understand.’

’I’m not going to have all sorts of stray people prowling about here,’ he said. ’They've got no right to come.’

He smiled, but Doris, with the quick perception of a woman in love, noticed that he smiled only with his lips, not as usual with his eyes also, and wondered -what it was that troubled him. ’What have you been doing this morning?’ he asked.

’Oh, nothing much. I went for a little walk.’ ’Through the kampong?’

’Yes. I saw a man send a chained monkey up 2, tree to pick coconuts, which rather thrilled me.’

’It’s rather a lark, isn’t it?’

’Oh, Guy, there were two little boys watching him -who were much whiter than the others. I wondered if they were half-castes. I spoke to them, but they didn’t know a word of English.’

’There are two or three half-caste children in the kampong,’ he answered.

’Who do they belong to?’

’Their mother is one of the village girls.’ ’Who is their father?’

’Oh, My dear, that’s the sort of question we think it a little dangerous to ask out here.’ He paused. ’A lot of fellows have native wives, and then when they go home or marry they pension them off and send them back to their village.’ -

Doris was silent. The indifference with which he spoke seemed a little callous to her. There was almost a frown on her frank, open, pretty English face when she replied.

But -what about the children?’

’I have no doubt they’re properly provided for. Within his means, a man generally sees that there’s enough money to have them decently educated. They get jobs as clerks ’in a government office, you know; they’re all right.’

She gave him a slightly rueful smile.

’You can’t expect me to think it’s a very good system.’ ’You mustn’t be too hard,’ he smiled back.

’I’m not hard. But I’m thankful you never had a Malay wife. I should have hated it. Just think if those two little brats -were yours.’

The boy changed their plates. There was never much variety in their menu. They started luncheon with river fish, dull and insipid, so that a good deal of tomato ketchup was needed to make it palatable, and then -went on to some kind of stew. Guy poured Worcester Sauce over it.

’The old Sultan didn’t think it was a white woman’s country,’ he said presently- ’He rather encouraged people to - keep house -with native girls. Of course things have changed now. The country’s perfectly quiet and I suppose we know better how to cope with the climate.’

’But, Guy, the eldest of those boys wasn’t more than seven or eight and the other was about five.’

It’s awfully lonely on an outstation. Why, often one doesn’t see another -white man for six months on end. A fellow comes out here when he’s only a boy.’ He gave her that charming smile of his which transfigured his round, plain face-” there are excuses, you know.’

She always found that smile irresistible. It was his best argument. Her eyes grew once more soft and tender.

’I’m sure there are.’ She stretched her hand across the little table and put it on his. ’I’m very lucky to have caught you so young. Honestly, it -would upset me dreadfully if I were told that you had lived like that.’

He took her hand and pressed it. ’Are you happy here, darling? Desperately.’

She looked very cool and fresh in her linen frock. The heat did not distress her. She had no more than the prettiness of youth, though her brown eyes -were fine; but she had a pleasing frankness of expression, and her dark, short Hair was neat and glossy. She gave you the impression of a girl of spirit and you felt sure that the Member of Parliament for whom she worked had in her a very competent secretary.

’I loved the country at once,’ she said- ’Although I’m alone so much I don’t think I’ve ever once felt lonely’

Of course she had read novels about the Malay Archipelago and she had formed an impression of a sombre land -with great ominous rivers and a silent, impenetrable jungle. When the little coasting steamer set them down at the mouth of the river, where a large boat, manned by a dozen Dyaks, -was -waiting to take them to the station, her breath was- taken away by the beauty, friendly rather than awe-inspiring, of the scene. It had a gaiety, like the joyful singing of birds in the trees, -which she had never expected. On each bank of the river -were mangroves and ninpah palms, and behind them the dense green of the forest. In the distance stretched Blue Mountains, range upon range, as far as the eye could see. She had no sense of confinement nor of gloom, but rather of openness and wide spaces where the exultant fancy could wander -with delight. The green glittered in the sunshine and the sky -was blithe and cheerful. The gracious land seemed to offer her a smiling welcome- They rowed on, hugging a bank, and high overhead flew a Pair of doves. A flash of colour, like a living jewel dashed across their path. It was a kingfisher. Two monkeys, with their dangling tails, sat side by side on a branch. On the horizon, over there or, the other side of the broad and turbid. River, beyond the jungle, was a row of little white clouds, the only clouds in the sky, and they looked Like a row of ballet-girls, dressed in white, waiting at the back of the stage alert and merry for the curtain to go up. Her heart was filled with joy; and now , remembering it all, her eyes rested on her husband with a grateful, assured affection.

And what fun it had been to arrange their living-room, It -was very big. On the floor, when she arrived, was torn and dirty matting; on the walls of unpainted wood hung (much too high up) photogravures of Academy pictures, Dyak shields, and parangs. The tables were covered with Dyak cloth in sombre colours, -arid on them stood pieces of Brunei brassware, much in need of cleaning, empty cigarette tins, and bits of Malay silver. There -was a rough wooden shelf with cheap editions of novels and a number of old travel books in battered leather; and another shelf was crowded with empty bottles. It was a bachelor’s room, untidy but stiff-; and though it amused her she found it intolerably pathetic. It was a dreary, comfortless life that Guy had led there, and she threw her arms; round his neck and kissed him.

’You poor darling, she laughed.

She had deft hands and she soon made the room habitable. She arranged this and that and what she could not do with she turned out. Her wedding presents helped. Now the room was friendly and comfortable. In glass vases were lovely orchids and in great bowl huge masses of flowering shrubs. She felt an inordinate pride because it was her house (she had never in her life lived in anything but a poky flat) and she had made it charming for him.

’Are you pleased with me?’ she asked when she had finished. ’Quite,’ he smiled.

The deliberate understatement was much to her mind. How jolly it was that they should understand each other so well!

They were both of them shy of displaying emotion. It was only at rare moments that they used, with one another anything but ironic banter.

They finished luncheon and he threw -himself into a long chair to have a sleep. She went towards her room. She was a little surprised that he drew her to him as she passed and, making her bend down, kissed her lips. They -were not in the habit of exchanging embraces at odd hours of the day.

’A full tummy is making you sentimental, my poor lamb,’ she chaffed him.

’Get out and don’t let me see you again for at least two hours.,

’Don’t snore.’

She left him They had risen at dawn and in five minutes were fast asleep.

Doris was awakened by the sound of her husband splashing in the bath-house. The walls of the bungalow were like a sounding board and not a thing that one of them did escaped the other. She felt too lazy to move, but she heard the boy bring the tea things in, so she jumped up and ran down into her bath-house. The -water, not cold but cool, was deliciously refreshing. When she came into the sitting-room Guy was taking the rackets out of the press, for they played tennis in the short cool of the evening. The night fell-at six.

The tennis-court was two or three hundred yards from the bungalow and after tea, anxious not to lose time, they strolled down to it.

’Oh, look,’ said Doris, ’there’s that girl that I saw this morning.)

Guy turned quickly. His eyes rested for a moment on a native woman, but he could not speak

’What a pretty sarong she’s got’ said Doris. ’I wonder -where it comes from!

They passed her. -She was slight and small, with the large, dark, starry eyes of her race and a mass of raven hair. She did not stir as they went by but stared at them strangely. Doris saw then that she -was not quite so young as she had at first thought. Her features -were a trifle heavy and her skin was dark, but she was very pretty. She held a small child in her arms. Doris smiled a little as she saw it, but no answering smile moved the woman’s lips. Her face remained impassive. She did not look at Guy, she looked only at Doris, and he -walked on as though he did not see her. Doris turned to him.

’Isn’t that baby a duck?” ’I didn’t notice.’

She was puzzled by the look of his face. It was deathly white, and the pimples which not a little distressed her -were more than commonly red.

Did you notice her hands and feet? She might be a duchess.’ ’All natives have good hands and feet,’ he answered, but not jovially as was his wont; it -was as though he forced himself to speak.

But Doris was intrigued. ’Who is she, d’you know?’

’She’s one of the girls in the kampong.’

They had reached the court now. When Guy -went up to the net to see that it was taut he looked back. The girl was still standing -where they had passed her. Their eyes met.

’Shall I serve?’ said Doris, -

’Yes, you’ve got the balls on your side.’

He played very badly. Generally he gave her fifteen and beat her, but today she won easily. And he played silently. Generally he -was a noisy player, shouting all the time, cursing his foolishness when he missed a ball and chaffing her when he placed one out of her reach.

’You’re Off your game, young man,’ she cried. ’Not a bit,’ he said.

He began to slam the balls, trying to beat her, and sent one after the other into the net. She had never seen him- with that set face. Was it possible that he was -a little out of temper because he was not playing -well? The light fell, and they censed to play. The woman whom they had passed stood in exactly the same position as when they came and once more, with expressionless face, she watched them go.

The blinds on the veranda -were raised now, and on the table between their two long chairs -were bottles and soda-water. This was the hour at which they had the first drink of the day and Guy mixed a couple of gin slings. The river stretched widely before them, and on the farther bank the jungle was wrapped in the mystery of the approaching night. A native was silently rowing up-stream, standing at the bow of the boat, -with two oars.

’I played like a fool,’ said Guy, breaking the silence ’I’m feeling a bit under the weather.’

’I’m sorry. You’re not going to have fever, are u?’ ’Oh, no. I shall be all right tomorrow.’

Darkness closed in upon them. The frogs croaked loudly and now and then they heard a few short notes from some singing bird of the night. Fireflies flitted across the veranda and they made the trees that surrounded it look like Christmas trees lit -with tiny candles. They sparkled softly. Doris thought she heard a little sigh. It vaguely disturbed her. Guy was always so full of gaiety.

’What is it, old man?’ she said gently. ’Tell mother.’

’Nothing. Time for another drink,’ he answered breezily.

Next day he was as cheerful as ever and the mail came. The coasting steamer passed the mouth of the river twice a month, once on its way to the coalfields and once on its way back. On the outward journey it brought mail, which Guy sent a boat down to fetch. Its arrival was the excitement of their uneventful lives. For the first day or two they skimmed rapidly all that had come, letters, English papers and papers from Singapore, magazines and books, leaving for the ensuing -weeks a more exact perusal. They snatched the illustrated papers from one another. If Doris had not been so absorbed she might have noticed that there was a change in Guy. She would have found it hard to describe and harder still to explain. There was in his eyes a sort of -watchfulness and in his mouth a slight droop of anxiety.

Then, perhaps a -week later, one morning when she was sitting in the shaded room studying a Malay grammar (for she was industriously learning the language) she heard a commotion in the compound. She heard the house boy’s voice, he was speaking angrily, the voice of another man perhaps it was the water-carrier’s, and then a woman’s, shrill and vituperative. There -was a scuffle. She went to the window and opened the shutters. The water-carrier had hold of a -woman’s arm and was dragging her along, -while the house boy was pushing her from behind -with both hands. Doris recognized her at once as the woman she had seen one morning loitering in the compound and later in the day outside the tennis-court. She was holding a baby against her breast All three were shouting angrily.

’Stop,’ cried Doris. ’What are you doing?’

At the sound of her voice the water-carrier let go suddenly -and the woman, still pushed from behind, fell to the ground.

There was a sudden silence and the house boy looked sullenly into space. The water-carrier hesitated a moment and than slunk away. The woman raised herself slowly to her feet, arranged the baby on her arm, and stood impassive, staring at Doris. The boy, said something to her which Doris could not have heard even if she had understood; the woman by -no change of face showed that his words meant anything to her; but she slowly strolled away. The boy followed her to the gate of the compound. Doris called to him as he walked back, but he pretended not to hear. She was growing angry now and she called more sharply.

’Come here at once,’ she cried.

Suddenly, avoiding her wrathful glance, he came towards the bungalow. He came in. and stood at the door. He looked at her sulkily.

’What were you doing with that woman?’ she asked abruptly. ’Tuan say she no come here.’

’You mustn’t treat a woman like that. I won’t have it. –I shall tell the Tuan exactly what I saw.’

The boy did not answer. He looked away, but she felt that he -was watching her through his long eyelashes. She dismissed him.

’That’ll do.’

Without a -word he turned and went back to the servants’ quarters. She was exasperated and she found it impossible to give her attention once more to the Malay exercises. In a little while the boy came in to lay the cloth for luncheon. On a sudden he’ went to the door.

’What is it?’ she asked. ’Tuan just coming.-’

He went out to take Guy’s hat from him. His quick ears had caught the footsteps before they were audible to her. Guy did not as usual come up the steps immediately; _he paused, and Doris at once surmised that the boy had gone down to meet him in order to tell him of the morning’s incident- She shrugged her shoulders. The boy evidently wanted to get his story . in first. But she was astonished when Guy came in. His face was ashy.

’Guy, what on earth’s the matter?’ He flushed a sudden hot red. ’Nothing. Why?’

She was so taken aback that she let him pass into his room -without a word of -what she had meant to speak of at once. It took him longer than usual to have his bath and change his clothes and luncheon was served -when he came in.

’Guy,’ she said, as they sat down, ’that woman ’we saw the other day was here again this morning.’

’So I’ve heard,’ he answered.

’The boys were treating her brutally. I had to stop them. You must really speak to them about it.’

Though the Malay understood every word she said, he made no sign that he-heard. He handed her the toast.

’She’s been told not to come here. I gave instructions that if she showed herself again she was to be turned out.’

’Were they obliged to be so rough?’

’She refused to go. I don’t think they -were any rougher than they could help.’

’It was horrible to see a woman treated like that. She had a baby in her arms.’

’Hardly a baby. It’s three years old.’ ’How d’you know?’

’I know all about her. She hasn’t the least right to come here pestering everybody.’

’What does she want?’

’She wants to do exactly -what she did. She wants to make a disturbance’

For a little while Doris did not speak. She was surprised at her husband’s tone- He spoke tersely. He spoke as though all this were no concern of hers. She thought him a little unkind. He was nervous and irritable

’I doubt if -we shall be able to play tennis this afternoon,’ he said. ’It looks to me as though -we were going to have a storm.’ The rain was falling -when she awoke and it was impossible to go out. During tea Guy was silent and abstracted. She got her sewing and began to work. Guy sat down to read such of the English papers as he had not yet gone through from cover to cover; but he was restless; he walked up and down the large room and then -went out on the veranda. He looked at the steady rain. What was he thinking of? Doris was vaguely uneasy.

It was not till after dinner that he spoke. During the simple meal he had exerted Himself to be his usual gay self, ’but the exertion -was apparent. The rain had ceased and the night was starry. They sat on the veranda. In order not to attract insects they had put out the lamp in the sitting-room. At their feet, with a mighty, formidable sluggishness, silent, mysterious, and fatal, flowed the river. It had the terrible deliberation and the relentlessness of destiny.

’Doris, I’ve got something to say to you,’ he said suddenly. His voice -was very strange. Was it her fancy that he had difficulty in keeping it quite steady? She felt a Little pang in her heart because he was in distress, and she put her hand gently into his. He drew it a-way.

’It’s rather a long story. I’m afraid it’s not a very nice one and I find it rather difficult to tell. I’m going to ask you not to interrupt me, or to say anything, till I’ve finished.’

In the darkness she could not see his face, but she felt that it was haggard. She did not answer. He spoke in a voice so low that it hardly broke the silence of the night.

’I -was only eighteen when I came out here. I came straight from school. I spent three months in Kuala Solor, and then I was sent to a station up the Sembulu river. Of course there -was a Resident there and his wife. I lived in the court-house, but I used to have my meals with them and spend the evening with them. I had an awfully good time. Then the fellow -who -was here fell ill and had to go home. We were short of men on account of the war and I -was put in charge of this place. Of course I was very young, but I spoke the language like a native, and they remembered my father. I was as pleased as punch to be on my own.’

He -was silent while he knocked the ashes out of his pipe and refilled it. When he lit a match Doris, without looking at him, noticed that his hand was unsteady.

’I’d never been alone before, Of course at home there’d been father and mother and generally an assistant. And then at school naturally there were always fellows about. On the -way out, on the boat, there were people all the time, and at K.S, and the same at my first post. The people there were almost like my own people. I seemed always to live in a crowd. I like people. I’m a noisy blighter. I like to have a good time. All sorts of things make me laugh and you must have somebody to laugh with. But it was different here. Of course it was all right in the day time; I had my work and I could talk to the Dyaks. Although they were head-hunters in those days and now and then I had a bit of trouble with them, they were an awfully decent lot of fellows. I got on very well -with them. Of course I should have liked a white man to gas to,but they were better than nothing, and it was easier for me because they didn’t look upon me quite as a stranger. I liked the work too. It was rather lonely in the evening to sit on the veranda and drink a gin and bitters by myself, but I could read. And the boys were about. My own boy was called Abdul. He’d known my father. When I got tired of reading I could give him a shout and have a bit of a jaw with him.

’It was the nights that did for me. After dinner the boys shut up and went away to sleep in the kampong. I -was -all alone. There wasn’t a sound in the bungalow except now and then the croak of the chik-chak. It used to come out of the silence, suddenly, so that it made me jump. Over in the kampong I heard the sound of a gong or fire-crackers. They were having a good time, they weren’t so far away, but I had to stay where I was. I was tired of reading. I couldn’t have been more of a prisoner if I’d been in jail. Night after night it was the same. I tried drinking three or four whiskies, but it’s poor fan drinking alone, and it didn’t cheer me up; it only made me feel rather rotten next day. I tried going to bed immediately after dinner, but I couldn’t sleep. I used to lie in bed, getting hotter and hotter, and more wide awake, till I didn’t know what to do with myself. By George, those nights were long. D’you know, I got so low, I was so sorry for myself that sometimes - it makes me laugh now when I think of it, but I was only nineteen and a half - sometimes I used to cry.

’Then, one evening, after dinner, Abdul had cleared away, and was just going off, when he gave a little cough. He said, wasn’t I lonely in the house all night by myself? ”Oh, no, that’s all right,” I said. I didn’t want him to know what a damned fool I was, but I expect he knew all right. He stood there without speaking, and I knew he wanted to say something to me. ”That is it?” I said. ”Spit it out.” Then he said that if I’d like to have a girl to come and live with me he knew one who was willing. She was a very good girl and he could recommend her. She’d be no trouble and it would be someone to have about the bungalow. She’d mend my things for me.... I felt awfully low. It had been raining -all day and I hadnt been able to get any exercise. I knew I shouldn’t sleep for hours. It wouldn’t cost me very much money, he said, her people were poor and

They’d be quite satisfied with a small present. Two hundred Straits dollars. ”You look,” he said. ”If you don’t like her you send her away” I asked him where she was. ”She’s here,,” he said. ”I call her.” He went to the door. She’d been waiting on the steps with her mother. They came in and sat down on the floor. I gave them some sweets. She was shy, of course, but cool enough, and -when I said something to her she gave me a smile, She was very young, hardly more than a child, they said she was fifteen. She was awfully pretty, and she had her best clothes on. We began to talk. She didn’t say much, but she laughed a lot when I chaffed her. Abdul said I’d find she had plenty to say for herself when she got to know me. He told her to come and sit by me. She giggled and refused, but her mother told her to come, and I made room for her on the chair. She blushed and laughed, but she came, and then she snuggled up to me. The boy laughed too. ”You see, she’s taken to you already,” he said. ”Do you -want her to stay?” he asked. ”Do you want to?” I said to her. She hid her face, laughing, on my shoulder. She was very soft and small. ”Very well,” I said, ”’let her stay.”’

Guy leaned forward and helped himself to a whisky and soda.

’My I speak now?’Asked Doris.

’Wait a minute, I haven’t finished yet. I wasn’t in love with her, not even at the beginning. I only took her so as to have somebody about the bungalow. I think I should have gone mad if I hadn’t, or else taken to drink. 1 was at the end of my tether. I was too young to be quite alone. I was never in love with anyone but you.’ He hesitated a moment. ’She lived here till I went home last -ear on leave. It’s the woman you’ve seen hanging about.’

’Yes, I guessed that. She had a baby in her arms. Is that your child?’

’Yes. It’s a little girl.’ ’Is it the only one;’

’You saw the two small boys the other day in the kampong. You mentioned them.’

’She has three children then?’ ’Yes.’

’It’s quite a family you’ve got.’

She felt the sudden gesture which her remark forced from him, but he did not speak.

’Didn’t she know that you were married till you suddenly turned up here with a wife?’ asked Doris.

’She knew I was going to be married.’ ’When?’

’I sent her back to the village before I left here. I told her it was all over. I gave her what I’d promised. She always knew it was only a temporary arrangement. I -was fed up with it. I told her I was going to marry a white woman

’But you hadn’t even seen me then.’

’No, I know. But I’d made up my mind to marry when I was home.’ He chuckled in his old manner. ’I ’ don’t mind telling you that I was getting rather despondent about it when I met you. I fel in love with you at first sight and then I knew it was either you or nobody.’

’Why didn’t you tell me? Don’t you think it would have been only fair to give me a chance of judging for myself? It might have occurred to you that it would be rather a shock to a girl to find out that her husband had lived for ten years with another girl and had three children.’

’I couldn’t expect you to understand. The circumstances out here are peculiar. It’s the regular thing. Five men out of six do it. I thought perhaps it would shock you and I didn’t want to lose you. You see, I -was most awfully in love with you. I am now, darling. There was no reason that you should ever know. I didn’t expect to come back here. One seldom goes back to the same station after home leave. ’When we came here I offered her money if she’d go to some other village. First she said she would and then she changed her mind.’

’Why have you told me now?’ ’

’She’s been making the most awful scenes. I don’t know how she found out that you knew nothing about it. As soon as she did she began to blackmail me. I’ve had to give her an awful lot of money. I gave orders that she -wasn’t to be allowed in the compound. This morning she made that scene just to attract your attention. She wanted to frighten me. It couldn’t go on like that. I thought the only thing was to make a clean breast of it.’

There -was a long silence as he finished. At last he put his hand on hers.

. ’You do understand, Doris, don’t you? I know I’ve been to blame-’

She did not move her hand. He felt it cold beneath his. ’Is she jealous ?’

’I dare say there -were all sorts of perks -when she was living here, an I don’t suppose she much likes not getting them any longer. But she -was never in love with me any more than I was in love with her. Native women never do really care for white men, you know.’

And the children?’

’Oh, the children are all right. I’ve provided for them. As soon as the boys are old enough I shall send them to school at Singapore.’

’Do they mean nothing to you at all?’ He hesitated.

’I -want to be quite frank with you. I should be sorry if anything happened to them. When the first one was expected I thought I’d be much fonder of it than I ever had been of its mother. I suppose I should have been if it had been white. Of course, -when it was a baby it was rather funny and touching, but I had no particular feeling that it was mine- I think that’s what it is; you see, I have no sense of their belonging to me. I’ve reproached myself sometimes, because it seemed rather unnatural, but the honest truth is that they’re no more to me than if they were somebody else’s children. Of course a lot of slush is talked about children by people who haven’t got any.’

Now she had heard everything. He waited for her to speak, but she said nothing. She sat motionless.

’Is there anything more you -want to ask me, Doris?’ he said at last.

’No, I’ve got rather a headache. I think I shall go to bed.’ Her voice was as steady as ever. ’I don’t quite know what to say. Of course it’s been all very unexpected. You must give me a Little ttime to think.’

’Are you very angry with me?’

’No. Not at all. Only - only I must be left to myself for a while. Don’t move. I’m going to bed.’

She rose from her long chair and put her hand on his shoulder.

’It’s so very hot tonight. I wish you’d sleep in your dressing-room. Good night.’

She was gone. He heard her lock the door of her bedroom.

She was pale next day and he could see that she had not slept. There was no bitterness in her manner, she talked as usual but without ease; she spoke of this and that as though she were making conversation with a stranger. They had never had a quarrel, but it seemed to Guy that so would she talk if they had had a disagreement and the subsequent reconciliation had left her still wounded. The look in her eyes puzzled him; he seemed to read in them a strange fear. Immediately after dinner she said:

’I’m not feeling very well tonight. I think I shall go straight to bed.’

’Oh, my poor darling, I’m so sorry,’ he said. ’It’s nothing. I shall be all right in a day or two.’ I shall come in and say good night to you later.’

’No, don’t do that. I shall try and get straight off to sleep.’

’Well, then, kiss me before you go.’

He saw that she flushed. For an instant she seemed to hesitate; then, -with averted eyes, she leaned towards him. He took her in his arms and sought her lips, but she turned her face away and he kissed her cheek. She left him quickly and again he heard the key turn softly in the lock of her door. He flung himself heavily on the chair. He tried to read, but his ear was attentive to the smallest sound in his wife’s room. She had said she was going to bed, but he did not hear her move. The silence in there made him unaccountably nervous. Shading the lamp with his hand he saw that there was a glimmer under her door; she had not put out her light. What on earth was she doing? He put down his book. It would not have surprised him if she had been angry and had made him a scene, or if she had cried; he could have coped with that; but her calmness frightened him. And then what was that fear which he had seen so plainly in her eyes? He thought once more over all he had said to her on the previous night. He didn’t know how else he could have put it, After all, the chief point was that he’d done the same as everybody else, and it was all over long before he met her. Of course as things turned out he had been a fool, but anyone-could be wise after the event. He put his hand to his heart. Funny how it hurt him there.

’I suppose that’s the sort of thing people mean -when they say they’re heartbroken,’ he said to himself. ’I -wonder how long it’s going on like this?

Should he knock at the door and tell her he must speak to her? It was better to have it out. He must make her understand. But the silence scared him. Not a sound! Perhaps it -was better to leave her alone. Of course it had been a shock. He must give her as long as she wanted. After all, she knew how devotedly he loved her. Patience, that was the only thing; perhaps she -was fighting it out with herself; he must give her time; he must have patience, Next morning he asked her if she had slept better.

’Yes, much,’ she said.

’Are you very angry with me?’ he asked piteously. She looked at him with candid, open eyes.

’Not a bit.’

’Oh my dear, I’m so glad. I’ve been a brute -and a beast. I know it’s been hateful for you. But do forgive me. I’ve been so miserable.’

’I do forgive you. I don’t even blame you.’

He gave her a little rueful smile, and there was in his eyes the look of a -whipped dog.

’I haven’t much liked sleeping by myself the last two nights.’

She glanced away. Her face grew a trifle paler.

I've had the bed in my room taken away. It took up so much space. I’ve had a little camp bed put there instead.”

My dear, what are you talking about?’ Now she looked at him steadily.

’I’m not going to’ live with you as your wife again.’ ’Never?’

She shook her head. He looked at her in a puzzled -way. He could hardly believe he had heard aright and his heart began to beat painfully.

’But that’s awfully unfair to me, Doris.’

’Don’t you think it -was a little unfair to me to bring me out –here in the circumstances ?’

’But you just said you didn’t blame me.’

That’s quite true, But the other’s different. I can’t do it.’

’But how are we going to live together like that?’ She stared at the floor. She seemed to ponder deeply. ’When you wanted to kiss me on the lips last night I - it almost made me sick.’

’Doris.’ She looked at him suddenly and her eyes were cold and hostile.

’That bed I slept on, is that the bed in which she had her children?’ She saw him flush deeply. ’Oh, it’s horrible. How could you?’ She wrung her hands, and her twisting, tortured fingers looked like little -writhing snakes. But she made a great effort and controlled herself. ’my mind is quite made up. I don’t want to be unkind to you, but there are some things that

you can’t ask me to do. I’ve thought it all over. I’ve been thinking of nothing else since you told me, night and day, till I’m exhausted. ’my first instinct was to get up and go. At once. The steamer will be here in two or three days.’

’Doesn’t it mean anything to you that I love you?’

’Oh, I know you love me. I’m not going to do that. I want to give us both a chance. I have loved you so, Guy.’ Her voice broke, but she did not cry. ’I don’t want to be unreasonable. Heaven knows, I don’t want to be unkind. Guy, will you give me time?’

’I don’t know quite what you mean.’

’I just want you to leave me alone. I’m frightened by the feelings that I have.’

He had been right then; she was afraid. ’What feelings?’

’Please don’t ask me. I don’t -want to say anything to wound you. Perhaps I shall get over them. Heaven knows, I -want to. I’ll try, I promise you. I’ll try. Give me six months. I’ll do everything in the -world for you, but just that one thing.’ She made a little gesture of appeal- ’There’s no reason why we shouldn’t be happy enough together. If you really love me you’ll - you’ll have patience.’

He sighed deeply-

’Very well,’ he said. ’Naturally I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t like. It shall be as you say.’

He sat heavily for a little, as though, on a sudden grown old, it -was an effort -to move; then he got up.

’I’ll be getting along to the office.’ He took his topee and went out.

A month passed. Women conceal their feelings better than men and a stranger visiting them -would never have guessed that Doris was in any way troubled. But in Guy the strain -was obvious; his round, good-natured face was drawn, and in his eyes ’was a hungry, harassed look. He watched Doris. She was gay and she chaffed him as she had been used to do; they played teanis together; they chatted about one thing and another. But it was evident that she -was merely playing a part, and at last, unable to contain himself, he tried to speak again of his connexions with the Malay woman.

’Oh, Guy, there’s no object in going back on all that,’ she answered breezily. ’We’ve said all we had to say about it and I don’t blame you for anything.’

:Why do you punish me then?’

My poor boy, I don’t -want to punish you. It’s not my fault if. .- .- ’ she shrugged her shoulders. ’Human nature is very odd.

,I don’t understand.’ Don’t try.’

The words might have been harsh, but she softened them with a pleasant, friendly smile. Every night when she -went to bed she leaned over Guy and lightly kissed his cheek. Her lips only touched it. It was as though a moth had jus’t brushed his face in its flight.

A second month passed, then a third, and suddenly the six months which had seemed so interminable were over. Guy asked himself whether she remembered. He gave a strained attention now to everything she said, to every look- on her face and to every gesture of her hands. She remained impenetrable. She had asked him to give her six months; well, he had.

The coasting steamer passed the mouth of the river, dropped their mail and -went on its way. Guy busily -wrote the letters which it would pick up on the return journey. Two or three days passed by. It -was a Tuesday and the prahu was to start at dawn on -Thursday to await the steamer. Except at meal time -when Doris exerted herself to make conversation they had not of late talked very much together; and after dinner as usual they took their books and began to read; but when the boy had finished clearing away and was gone for the night Doris put down hers.

’Guy, I have something I -want to say, to you,’ she murmured. His heart gave a sudden thud again his ribs and he felt himself change colour.

’Oh, my dear, don’t look like that, it’s not so very terrible,’ she laughed.

But he thought her voice trembled a little. Well?,

’I want you to do something for me.’

’My darling, I’ll do anything in the world for you.’

He put out his hand to take hers, but she drew it away. ’I want you to let me go home.’

’You?’ he cried, aghast. ’When? Why?’

’I’ve borne it as long as I can. I’m at the end of my tether.’ ’How long do you want to go for? For always?’

’I don’t know. I think so.’ She gathered determination. ’Yes, for always.’

’Oh, my God!

His voice broke and she thought he was going to cry.

’Oh, Guy, don’t blame me. It really is not my fault. I can’t help myself.’

’You asked me for six months. I accepted your terms. You can’t say I’ve made a nuisance of myself.’

’No, no.’

’I’ve tried not to let you see what a rotten time I -was having.’

’I know. I’m very grateful to you. You’ve been awfully kind to me. Listen, Guy, I want to tell you again that I don’t blame you for a single thing you did. After all, you -were only a boy, and you did no more than the others; I know what the loneliness is here. Oh, my dear, I’m so dreadfully sorry for you. I knew all that from the beginning. That’s why I asked you for six months. My common sense tells me that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. I’m unreasonable; I’m being unfair to you. But, you see, common sense has nothing to do with it; my -whole soul is in revolt. When I see the -woman and her children in the village I just feel my legs shaking. Everything in this house; when I think of that bed I slept in it gives me goose-flesh. . . . You don’t know what I’ve endured.’

’I think I’ve persuaded her to go away. And I’ve applied for a transfer.’

’That -wouldn’t help. She’ll be there always. You belong to them, you don’t belong to me. I think perhaps I could have stood it if there’d only been one child, but three; and the boys are quite big boys. For ten years you lived with her.’And now she came out with -what she had been working up to. She -was desperate. ’It’s a physical thing, I can’t help it, it’s stronger than I am. I think of those thin black arms of hers round you and it fills me with a physical nausea. I think of you holding those little black babies in your arms. Oh, it’s loathsome. The touch Of you is odious to me. Each night, when I’ve kissed you, I’ve I

had to brace myself up to it, I’ve had to clench my hands and force myself to touch your cheek.’ Now she -was clasping and unclasping her fingers in a nervous agony, and her voice was out of control. ’I know- it’s I -who am to blame now. I’m a silly, hysterical woman. I thought I’d get over it. I can’t, and now I never shall. I’ve brought it all on myself; I’m willing to take the consequences; if you say i must stay7 here, I’ll stay, but if I stay I shall die. I beseech you to let me go.’

And now the tears which she had restrained so long over-flowed and she wept broken-heartedly. He had never seen her cry before.

’Of course I don’t want to keep you here against your will, he said hoarsely.

Exhausted, she leaned back in her chair. Her features were all twisted and aWry. It was horribly painful to see the aabandonment of grief on that face which was habitually so placid.

’I’m so- sorry, Guy. I’ve broken your lice, but I’ve broken mine too. And we might have been so happy.’

’When do you want to go? On Tuesday?’ ’Yes.’

She looked at him piteously. He buried his face in his hands. At last he looked up.

’I’m tired out,’ he muttered. ’May go?-’

’Yes.’ For two minutes perhaps they sat there without a word. She started when the chik-chak gave its piercing, hoarse, and strangely human cry. Guy rose and went out on to the veranda. He leaned against the rail and looked at the softly flowing -water. He heard Doris go into her room.

Next morning, up earlier than usual, he went to her door and knocked.

’Yes ?,

’I have to go up-river today. I shan’t be back till late.’ ’All right.’

She understood. He had arranged to be away all day in order not to be about while she was packing. It was heartbreaking work. When she had packed her clothes she looked round the sitting-room at the things that belonged to her. It seemed dreadful to take them. She left every-thing but the photograph of her mother. Guy did not come in till ten o’clock at night.

’I’m sorry I couldn’t get back to dinner,’ he said. ’The head-man at the village I had to go to had a lot of things for me to attend to.’

She saw his eyes wander about the room and notice that her mother’s photograph no longer stood in its place.

’Is everything quite ready? he asked. ’I’ve ordered the boatman to be at the steps at dawn.

’I told the boy to wake me at five,’

’I’d better give you some money.’ He went to his desk and wrote out a cheque, He took some notes from a drawer. ’Here’s some cash to take you as far as Singapore and at Singapore you’ll be able to change the cheque.’

’Thank you.’

’Would you like me to come to the mouth of the river with you?’

’Oh, I think it would be better if we said good-bye here.’

’All right. I think I shall turn in. I’ve had a long day and I’m dead beats’

He did not even touch her hand. He went into his room. In a few minutes she heard him throw himself on his bed. For a little while she sat looking for the last time round that room in which she had been so happy and so miserable. She sighed deeply. She got up and went into her own room. Everything was packed except the one or two things she needed for the night.

it was dark when the boy awakened them. They dressed hurriedly and when they were ready breakfast was waiting for them. Presently they heard the boat row up to the landing-stage below the bungalow, and then the servants carried down her luggage. It was a poor pretence they made of eating. The darkness thinned away and the river was ghostly. It was not yet day, but it was no longer night. In the silence the voices of the natives at the landing-stage were very clear. Guy glanced at his wife’s untouched plate.

’If you’ve finished we might stroll down. I think you ought to be starting.’

She did not answer. She rose from the table. She went into her room to see that nothing had been forgotten and then side by side with him walked down the steps. A little winding path led them to the river. At the landing-stage the native guards in their smart uniform were lined up and they presented arms as Guy and Doris passed. ’The head boatman gave her his hand as she stepped into the boat. She turned and looked at Guy. She wanted desperately to say one last word of comfort, once more to ask for his forgiveness, but she seemed to be struck dumb.

He stretched out his hand.

’Well, good-bye, I hope you’ll have a jolly journey.’ They shook hands.

Guy nodded to the head boatman and the boat pushed off.

The dawn now was creeping along the river mistily, but the night lurked still in the dark trees of the jungle. He stood at the landing-stage till the boat was lost in the shadows of the morning. With a sigh he turned away. He nodded absent-mindedly when the guard once more presented arms. But when he reached the bungalow he called the boy. He went round the room picking out everything that had belonged to Doris.

Pack all these things up,’ he said. ’It’s no good leaving them about’

Then he sat down on the veranda and watched the day advance gradually like a bitter, an unmerited, and an over-whelming sorrow. At last he looked at his watch. It -was time for him to go to the office.

In the afternoon he could not sleep, his head ached miserably, so he took his gun and went for a tramp in the jungle. He shot nothing, but he walked in order to tire himself out. Towards sunset he came back and had two or three drinks, and then it was time to dress for dinner. There wasn’t much use in dressing now; he might just as well be comfortable; he put on a loose native jacket and a sarong. That was what he had been accustomed to wear before Doris came. He was barefoot. He ate his dinner listlessly and the boy cleared away and went. He sat down to read the Tatler. The bungalow was very silent. He could not read and let the paper fall on his knees. He was exhausted. He could not think and his mind was strangely vacant. The chik-chak was noisy that night and its hoarse and sudden cry seemed to mock him. You could hardly believe that this reverberating sound came from so small a throat. Presently he heard a discreet cough.

’Who’s there? ’he cried.

There was a pause. He looked at the door. The chik-chak laughed harshly. A small boy sidled in and stood on the threshold. It was a little half-caste boy in a tattered singlet and a sarong. It was the elder of his two sons.

’What do you want?’ said Guy.

The boy came forward into the room and sat down, tucking his legs away under him.

’Who told you to come here?’

’My mother sent me. She says, do you want anything?’

Guy looked at the boy intently. The boy said nothing more. He sat and waited, his eyes cast down shyly. Then Guy in deep and bitter reflection buried hig face in his hands. What was the use? It was finished. Finished! He surrendered. He sat back in his chair and sighed deeply.

’Tell your mother to pack up her things and yours. She can come back.’

’When?’ asked the boy, impassively.

Hot tears trickled down Guy’s funny, round spotty face. ’Tonight.’

3 comentarios:

Anónimo dijo...

hola mi nombre es analía y soy profe de inglés egresada de la escuela superior de lenguas, cba...
deseo contactarme con vos porque me interesan las "short stories" que subistes
saludos y gracias

marialauchi dijo...

Analia hola. estas "short stories" son parte del curriculum de lengua inglesa 3 de la facultad de lenguas (ex escuela de lenguas) espero que te hayan servido, ya voy a subir mas piezas literarias. mi mail es maria_lauchi@yahoo.com.ar
saludos

Ibrahim Ismail dijo...

Thanks for sharing! I wouldn't know where to get the story if you didn't publish it here. Would you love to come to Malaysia to experience the story?